A play on sharks
Written for 6 speakers – or 2 (one speaker reading Human, other reading Sharks)
Reading time: approx. 15 minutes (play), and at least 10 minutes for the quiz.
Jawesome Jury. Extract:
Great White: A real top notch killing machine, that’s me!
Human: Huh! Pretty small fry, alongside us humans!
Great White: (Furiously) Why you …
Hammerhead: (Banging head on table) Order! Order! This isn’t a competition, you know!
Wobbegong: (Woefully) We’d win that one hands, or should I say, fins down – not!
Whale: Right. Around one hundred million sharks killed by humans a year
Megamouth: Compared to under a hundred shark attacks on humans!
Wobbegong: No contest! Maybe we should have finished off that human whilst we had the chance!
Great White: I’m up for it!
Hammerhead: (Banging head on table) Order! Order! And what would that solve? How would that help us, sharks?
Whale: (Despondently) You’re right, it wouldn’t help
Great White: But it sure would feel good!
Hammerhead: (Sighing) Sometimes I despair!
Wobbegong: I know that feeling!
Hammerhead: What we need to do is educate these humans into understanding what we’re about.
Great White: Yeah! A little respect!
Hammerhead: Right, but not in the way you do things! I’ll say it again – we need to educate them.
Human: Huh! You really think us humans can learn anything from you … fish?
Hammerhead: So you think you know everything? Well, let’s start with – What kind of fish are we?
Human: Er, em – big ones?
Hammerhead: (Laughing) Oh, you’ll have to do better than that! Come on, boys! Let’s see just how much this ‘masterful mammal’ knows about us …. fish!
Wobbegong: Oh woe! I bet he has all the answers!
Hammerhead: You think so? Well, let’s find out! Starting with that question I just asked you
Human: You mean, what kind of fish are you? Well now, let’s see
Megamouth: Time’s up! Too slow!
Hammerhead: (Banging head on table) Order! Order! May I remind you who is still in charge here? But yes, he has run out of time.
Human: (Protesting) What?
Hammerhead: We haven’t all day. There will be a five second allowance for each question. And the answer to that last one was
Wobbegong: Cartilaginous! My! Fancy not knowing that? Anyone knows we’re not the bony variety!
Human: Hmm. Try me again!
Great White: OK. What movie gave me my awesome reputation?
Great White: And what is the only species of shark to be able to lift his head out of the water?
Human: Why, the Great White, of course!
Great White: And
Hammerhead: (Banging head on the table) Order! Order! Who said anything about this just being about the Great White? Let’s hear it for us others, too! Whale Shark, let’s hear it from you.
Whale: My pleasure. What is the biggest shark?
Human: Easy! You!
Hammerhead: Oh come on, guys! You are making this far too easy! Let’s have some more challenging questions. Megamouth – shoot!