Wacky Wicked Wonderful Winchester Assembly!


Wonderful Winchester Assembly


Wacky Wicked Wonderful Winchester Assembly!

Wacky Wicked Wonderful Winchester Assembly! covers the history of Winchester – including bishops, kings (real and legendary), authors, a diver, a fisherman, a poet, scholars, ….. making up cast of 30 (smaller cast size given in production notes).  As there is a lot of information, I have produced a shorter version which I send as a FREE extra.

Wacky Wicked Wonderful Winchester Assembly! An additional set of 5 mini-plays (6 speakers each) soon to be available off the website.

A cast of 30 (see Production Notes for smaller class size)


  • Narrator
  • Children 1 – 6


  • Alfred the Great
  • William the Conqueror
  • Henry III
  • (Oliver Cromwell)
  • Knut
  • Arthur


  • Bishop Walkelin
  • Bishop Ethelwold
  • Bishop Swithun
  • Bishop Henry of Blois
  • Bishop William of Wykeham
  • Bony Bishop Fox

Writers & Others:

  • Jane Austen
  • Izaak Walton
  • John Keats
  • Geoffrey of Monmouth
  • William Walker
  • Anthony Gormley


  • Scholars 1 – 6

Wacky Wicked Wonderful Winchester Assembly! Sample Script:

Child 5 & 6:         If on St. Swithun’s day it really pours

You’re better off to stay indoors.

(Children 5 & 6 sit down)

Narrator:             (To Children 1 – 6) Well, thank you! But what (to Bishop Swithun) has that bit of old folklore got to do with forgiveness?

Swithun:              Well, I was so upset when my bones were not buried outside the church as I had requested, but taken indoors, that I sent an almighty downpour to mark my disapproval

Narrator:             Ah, so that is why it is said that if it rains on St. Swithun’s Day

Swithun:              As it did in 1315

Narrator:             It will continue to rain for another 40 days – as that is how long you were angry for?

Swithun:              Hmm. Something like that!

Alfred:                  Nothing to do, then, with the jet stream settling into a pattern, staying til the end of August?

Swithun:              (Laughing) Oh, young Alfred! Always trying to outsmart your old tutor! What a clever boy you were!

(Enter Knut)

Knut:                     (Snorting) Not clever enough to save your bones! Or mine!

Narrator:             Oh Knut! You still complaining?

Knut:                     Well, wouldn’t you? If your bones got all muddled up with other people’s?

Narrator:             Muddled up?

(Enter Oliver Cromwell – whole cast boos and hisses)

Narrator:             Oh dear! Someone’s not very popular around here!

Knut:                     (Spluttering) This… this .. vandal not only smashed up everything he came across in the cathedral

Cromwell:           (Stroking chin reflectively) Maybe my men were a little rough-handed

Knut:                     (Exclaiming in disbelief) A little rough-handed? That hardly covers what your Roundheads got up to in their ransacking of the cathedral!

Cromwell:           Hmm. Those stained glass windows did make a bit of a mess!

Knut:                     (Exclaiming) Bit of a mess? Have you any idea how long it took to piece them all back together again?

Cromwell:           Well, I think they make rather a nice mosaic!

Knut:                     And what of my bones? Hurling them at the windows, indeed! Did you think they’d make a nice mosaic, too?

Cromwell:           Well, not really ..

Knut:                     Huh! They might have got collected up afterwards, but who’s to say whose funny bone now lies alongside my thigh bone?

Narrator:             Pardon?

Knut:                     Well, my bones are now in one or all of six chests in the cathedral – along with the bones of other unfortunate early kings, bishops and a queen – all muddled up together!

Cromwell:           How careless of the locals – not piecing you all back together again!

(Enter Henry III)

Henry:                  And what about the piecing back together again of my castle? Originally that of William the Conqueror, my great great great granddad? You really were an out and out vandal!

Knut:                     (To Cromwell) Oops! Not more people you’ve upset? Let’s hear what this next one has to say about the destruction of that castle!

(Exit Knut)

Henry:                  Indeed, the very castle that I, King Henry III, spent so much money modernizing during my reign!



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