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International Mens Day Assembly

This is just a light-hearted romp through a selection of Edward Lear limericks – “There was an Old Man of ……”

International Mens Day Assembly. Rather than leave a blank for this day, as I have so many other projects afoot, I thought I’ just slot this one in, for teachers to dip into, recognising that it is just a suggestion for an assembly, rather than an assembly itself.

International Men’ Day Assembly – celebrating Edward Lear’ Poetry

Narrator:             Good morning and welcome to our International Men’ Day Assembly. We had an amazing cast lined up for you – Superman, Batman, Spiderman, … the list goes on forever; but at the last minute we decided to entertain you with the words of that great poet, Edward Lear, instead. We hope you enjoy listening to his nonsense verse. These are a few of our favourites.

(Each child can step forward and either just read/recite their poem, or enact it if possible)

• 1. There was an Old Man in a tree

Who was horribly bored by a Bee;

When they said, “Does it buzz?” he replied, “Yes, it does!

It’ a regular brute of a Bee!”

• 2. There was an Old Man with a beard,

Who said, “It is just as I feared!”

Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,

Have all built their nests in my beard!”

• 3. There was an Old Man, who when little

Fell casually into a kettle;

But, growing too stout, he could never get out,

So he passed all his life in that kettle.

• 4. There was an Old Man of Quebec,

A beetle ran over his neck;

But he cried, “With a needle, I’ slay you, O beetle!”

That angry Old Man of Quebec.

• 5. There was an Old Man of Dumbree,

Who taught little owls to drink tea;

For he said, “To eat mice, is not proper or nice,”

That amiable man of Dumbree.

• 6. There was an Old Person of Dean

Who dined on one pea, and one bean;

For he said, “More than that, would make me too fat,”

That cautious Old Person of Dean.

• 7. There was an Old Man of Berlin,

Whose form was uncommonly thin;

Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake,

So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.

• 8. There was an Old Man with a nose,

Who said, “If you choose to suppose

That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!”

That remarkable man with a nose.

• 9. There was an Old Person of Wilts,

Who constantly walked upon stilts;

He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies,

That elegant person of Wilts.

• 10. There was an Old Man with a flute.

A serpent ran into his boot.

But he played day and night, till the serpent took flight,

And avoided that man with a flute.

• 11. There was an Old Person of Pinner,

As thin as a lath, if not thinner;

They dressed him in white, and roll’ him up tight,

That elastic Old Person of Pinner.

• 12. There was an Old Man of Nepaul,

From his horse had a terrible fall;

But, though split quite in two, by some very strong glue,

They mended that man of Nepaul.

• 13. There was an Old Person of Shoreham,

Whose habits were marked by decorum;

He bought an umbrella, and sat in the cellar,

Which pleased all the people of Shoreham.

• 14. There was an Old Man of Dunluce,

Who went out to sea on a goose.

When he’ gone out a mile, he observ’ with a smile,

“It is time to return to Dunluce.”

• 15. There was an Old Person of Brigg,

Who purchased no end of a wig;

So that only his nose, and the end of his toes,

Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.

• 16. There was an Old Person of Tring,

Who embellished his nose with a ring;

He gazed at the moon, every evening in June,

That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.

• 17. There was an Old man of Leghorn,

The smallest as ever was born;

But quickly snapt up he, was once by a puppy,

Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

• 18. There was an Old Man or Messina,

Whose daughter was named Opsibeena;

She wore a small wig, and rode out on a pig,

To the perfect delight of Messina.

• 19. There was an Old Man on the Border,

Who lived in the utmost disorder;

He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,

Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

• 20. There was an Old Man of Dee-side,

Whose hat was exceedingly wide,

But he said, “Do not fail, if it happens to hail,

To come under my hat at Dee-side!”

• 21. There was an Old Person of Cassel,

Whose nose finished off in a tassel;

But they call’ out, “Oh well! Don’ it look like a bell!”

Which perplexed that Old Person of Cassel.

• 22. There was an Old Man of Themopylae,

Who never did anything properly;

But they said, “If you choose, to boil eggs in your shoes,

You shall never remain in Thermopylae.”

• 23. There was an Old Person of Spain,

Who hated all trouble and pain;

So he sat on a chair, with his feet in the air,

That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.

• 24. There was an Old Man of the Hague,

Whose ideas were excessively vague;

He built a balloon, to examine the moon,

That deluded Old Man of the Hague.

• 25. There was an Old Man who said, “Hush!

I perceive a young bird in this bush!”

When they said, “Is it small?” he replied, “Not at all!

It is four times as big as the bush!”

• 26. There was an Old Man of Coblenz,

The length of whose legs was immense;

He went with one prance, from Turkey to France,

That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.

• 27. There was an Old Man in a boat,

Who said, “I’ afloat! I’ afloat!

When they said, “No! You ain’!” he was ready to faint,

That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

• 28. There was an Old Person of Bromley,

Whose ways were not cheerful or comely;

He sat in the dust, eating spiders and crust,

That unpleasing Old person of Bromley.

• 29. There was an Old Person of Chili,

Whose conduct was painful and silly;

He sat on the stairs, eating apples and pears,

That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

• 30. There was an Old Man in a marsh,

Whose manners were futile and harsh;

He sat on a log, and sang songs to a frog,

That instructive Old Man in a marsh.

Narrator:             We hope you enjoyed our reading of Mr. Lear’ poetry this morning – whether you’ a man or a woman, old or young! Good morning to you!